A First Things Partner Feature

released 3/4/2025

In this 1993 essay, Judith Martin (whose pen name is Miss Manners) argues that etiquette is “civilization’s first necessity” and an indispensable societal virtue. Martin explains that, far from being a relic of high-class snobbery, manners uphold the dignity of persons, resolve conflicts and avert escalation to legal recourse, and reinforce foundational ethical principles that sustain complex societies. Manners serve both a regulatory and a symbolic, or ritual, function in societies. The latter function is less understood today, but it serves the sacred things that bind people together and make us more human. The decline of belief in the legitimacy of etiquette has led to attempts by clinical psychology and the law to compensate. However, Martin asserts that training in etiquette must begin in the family home early in childhood, because manners establish a basis for other virtues. Understanding that communal goals may sometimes outweigh individual desires is foundational to building stable societies.

This essay is provided courtesy of First Things. It was originally published in the AnthologyManners and Civil Society” (February 1998) and is read by Ken Myers.

21 minutes

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